What the elders teach you...

I used to be a firm believer in "As you sow, so shall you reap"...

But when I see the people around me and find that all those who did the maximum good in their lifetimes are those who suffer the max today, while those who took it easy - personally, morally, ethically, are the ones who live well, I am forced to relook at my belief.

My belief took a massive beating when my Papa was diagnosed with cancer in 2007. Papa had always led a very full life, exercised regularly, had moderate eating habits, disdained the use of processed foods and hardly ever indulged in any excesses - was a tea-totaller, non-smoker, non-drinker and vegetarian to boot. He was a paragon of good behaviour and suddenly diagnosed with the dreaded "C".

Joking with Papa, I told him that I may as well start smoking, coz that is all I never did. I am given to indulging myself to the hilt..., and if the disease could strike him with his "model" behaviour, then what was the point in being good???

I was cribbing to one of my favourite cousins, who I really respect a lot, around two years ago, telling him why I thought things were not right with this world - this must be around the time when Papa was not responding to treatment well and was in tremendous pain.

I told Bhaiya that "Jaisa Karoge Waisa Bharoge" and "Acchhe Karm karoge to acchha hoga" were idle sayings, with no substance. I gave him Papa's example and told him that if Papa could be so unwell and so much in pain despite the best behaviour and amazing personal habits, then I really did not believe in any of these sayings anymore.

And this is what Bhaiya had to tell me...

He told me that the fact that Papa was living with such a dreaded disease and yet leading a full life had to mean something. Papa has never ever been dependent on others - he looks after himself despite long bouts of Chemotherapy. This had to be the Acchhe Karm and his strong personality that were allowing him to successfully look at the disease, not give up, combat the disease, and try and come up on tops, when most mortals wither away with ordinary fevers...

He forced me to look at the proverbial "glass half-empty or half full" situation and I have been more reconciled to the situation since then.

Incidentally, it has been around 30 months that Papa was diagnosed with the disease and he remains hale and hearty - though not as well as he could be and amazingly independent despite the 5 painkillers that he has daily...

Thank God for the elders in the family to reinforce your belief in what is right and wrong...

Thanks a lot Bhaiya...

Middle age and young cousins...

I had a young nephew visiting and took off from work for 8 days - a record by my standards!

He had just entered into his 13th year and here I am on the periphery of my 40th - so we had to find common meeting grounds. On top of it, as if God wanted to create a study of opposites, the child was reticent, reserved and amazingly well-behaved. He also was a very frugal eater, never bothered anyone...

It turned out to be a situation of "reliving my childhood". We went to all places that I had enjoyed as a kid and all that were "activity" filled - not too much of a problem since I have never been very "girl-ish" and enjoyed all of these when I was young!

We did the rounds of Zoo, Dilli Darshan, Mall hopping, Adventure rides, Railway Museum, and the IPL at Mohali. And had a ball, enjoyed ourselves, laughed a lot, basically acted completely silly...

We also travelled by Rickshaw, Auto-rickshaw, Metro (the poor kid got smothered in the crowds and particulary shuddered at the thought of travelling by it again), Low level bus (loved the experience - sat on the higher end of the low level DTC bus), etc. So he had all kinds of adventures on all modes of travel.

I always wanted to do all the above all over again and was meaning to do it each year but never got around to getting out, so Suvigya's (my nephew) trip gave me the perfect excuse.

What I had not bargained for though was that I would "feel" my age! I was dog-tired every single day. The adventure rides gave my tummy a run for the money spent there, the travel left me drained, the food (McD, Donuts, Pastries, rolls, etc.) left me with a massive weight gain...

And after Suvigya left, I am still re-cuperating - I need another off to get over this off!!!

Meeting old friends...

February 2010 will go down as a month dedicated to old friends. My husband caught up with 5 of his friends who were with him in Grade VIII after 32 years in Chennai and I caught up with 3 old college friends (after an average of 10 years plus!)

What is with meeting old friends? My husband could not stop grinning for ages after his 5 hour marathon session with his friends and I am feeling generally very good with life after Saturday, when I met these guys!

The nostalgia is really something. Also the fact that there are no pretensions - I mean your now does not matter as they all know your then...

The friends - Sunder (who I was meeting after 16 years or so), Salil (after 11 years or so) and Giggle (after 2-3 years) - all got together as Sunder was visiting from Australia, where he has been for donkey's years. It was an impromptu meeting and I had all of an hour's notice. And It was great fun!!!

We remembered old things - bitched some more, focused on the "great" and "not-so-great" times and it was funny how much we were able to recapture individually.

Friends are good for our very being... And old friends are the icing on the cake.

I spoke with Johney from college a month ago and this was after ages (atleast 10 years or so!)... and the feeling was great!

The nicest thing about friends of "long standing" or "chaddi-dost" is that they have seen you grow up and therefore they know you as the person you are rather than the individual that you have become. And they are perfectly content to accept the incongruities between both..

Thank God for frineds and I firmly believe that "Friends are God's economic response to expensive psychiatrists".

The world we live in ---

I am truly witnessing a generation gap - I belong to the older generation which believed in right and wrong - while the milieu around us shows that nobody really cares now.

I had almost stopped reading the daily newspapers - much safer to read about the financial dailies which atleast deal with only things like Satyam fiasco or the sin of plain old greed!

Read an article today where a man kidnaps another's kids and asks for a crore's ransom by holding them hostage. The police grab the kidnapping kingpin's family (very very commendable of them and I fully agree in the concept!) and force the kingpin to release the children. And then the kingpin's wife is all over the place saying that her dear husband is no kidnapper but only wanted to teach the kid's parents a lesson!!!

Is this for real? So you kidnap someone's kids because you are upset with him and your wife supports you. Brilliant - What is the world coming to. By the same reasoning the girl in Meerut who killed her whole family with her boyfriend because she wanted to marry this penniless do-nothing, and her family objected, should also go scot free - I mean how dare the family object!!!

Or the grandmom who was killed by her 12-13 year old grandchild because she was not allowing him to visit pornographic sites and the parents of the boy tried to safe his back-side by saying that the grand-mom should have respected his privacy

Or the sofa repair guys (2 of them) who kill a woman because they think the woman looked loaded and then settle for a gold chain and 1600 bucks when they can find no more

Or a married guy who with his friends gang-rapes his girlfriend in Ahmedabad, the girl then commits suicide and the wife and father call a press conference in New Delhi to try to save the guy

Unfortunately, in most of these instances, there are people who are "in the know" or try to save the skin of the villians of the piece. I mean just because someone is my spouse, sibling, parent, child, friend, lover, etc. should I forget/condone what they did?

I still remember when "thou shalt not lie", "thou shalt not steal", "thou shall share", "thou shalt respect your elders" were tenets that were sworn by. When there were big families and our elders did not need our parents permission to teach us values or scold us or tell us what was right and what was not!

So what changed??? There has been a paradigm shift from what we see around us.

Today if a neighbour says something about your child - that the kid was mis-behaving or seen with wrong company, you do not take it at face value - you first tell the neighbour to mind his/her own business and then ask your child if what he said was true. The message being sent out is clear - the child can get away with anything!

Today there is no sense of "belonging" in a family - Summer vacations are time to take in a few more classes rather than hang-out with friends and relatives - no sense of bonding with cousins...

Money is a main criterion too - We did not have too much of it in our time and were none the worse for it - but the parents today want their kids to have luxury, when they think of their careers, it is with the expectation that they will make BIG money and therefore have a good life!!!

It is this I, me & myself attitude that rejects any sense of values and this quest for money - one way or the other - that I believe are the pain points. And then there is the "acceptance" factor - whatever you do, will be tolerated by friends and family.

Why is it that a parent is upset if the son slaps him - he has been a local tough and the parents have known it all along? Why does a wife allow her rapist husband to come back home, let alone support him? ...

We see all of this happening all around us and sit huddled in our own corners believing that this only happens to others and can never happen to us.

I think what scares the hell out of me is that I strongly believe that it is only a matter of time before things get worse and happen within our families and circles and since we have done damn all till now, there is nothing that we can or will do then.

But what can we do? That is the real question!

And I do know that my stopping to read the newspaper will not make it go away and is not really a solution. But I am clueless and till the time something occurs to me my "neck in the sand" attitude will help me tide over this - or so I hope!